The Monroe Legacy - G.3. Chapter 8 - Choosing the Light

Gray tried to apply his mothers advice, looking at the positives and trying to piece together a life from the broken pieces he had been left with. The first thing he did was ask Saffron to help him pack away all of Eva's baby things, if she returned she would have outgrown them and seeing them made him sad.

Then he went to the restaurant and asked for his job back. Gray hoped that work would consume him as it once had and drive the hopelessness into the corners of his mind. His old boss, now nearing retirement welcomed him back with open arms and sadness in his eyes.

It soon became clear that everything wouldn't just fall back into place. Gray's cooking was as good as it had always been but the kitchen no longer felt like such a welcoming place. Gray was quieter, surlier, harsher in his criticisms and the other staff responded by giving him a wide berth and exchanging pitying glances that they thought he didn't notice.

But he did notice, he noticed that they treated him differently than they did one another and rather than feeling supported he just felt alone.

Saffron was his rock, she neither forced him to confront feelings and truths that he wasn't ready for nor did she pretend everything was okay. The day, two years after Aisha took Eva, that the police officially lowered the priority of their case she took him out and the two of them got very drunk in almost complete silence. They didn't need to go over the horrible situation. They had lived it.

There's no telling how long Gray might have lived his half life had Romon Tanner, the longstanding executive chef at The Lonely Cactus not retired. Skill-wise, Gray was the obvious choice for successor but his coldness to the staff and his isolated, almost obsessive way of working made Romon look elsewhere.

When the news was broken to Gray he just shrugged. Before Eva, being promoted had been the most important thing, now all he wanted to do was work and wait until living became less painful. The new executive chef was new in town, a high-flyer from a trendy New York eatery with a reputation for being no-nonsense.

Gray clashed with his new boss from the get go, where Romon had been satisfied to let him get on based in his track record, the new chef wanted to know what made every member of the team tick and how their work could be improved.  Where the other staff gave him space, Chef Blunt wouldn't tolerate his black moods and rude outbursts, even going so far as making Gray go and wait tables when he cussed at a new waiter who had made an honest mistake.

When Gray's menu choices were vetoed for the Annual Holidaypalooza Street Party, it was only a matter of time until things came to a head.

Saffron had persuaded Gray to host the annual post-party staff meal at the house, and offer as reluctantly made as it was accepted by the staff, who didn't really have any better options, most of them living in small apartments.

The food was excellent and the wine well matched but nothing could hide the fact that it was a tense two hours at the end of which all the guests rushed home for various made up reasons. Gray and Chef Blunt were left sitting across the table from one another.

As his boss gathered up the plates and headed to the kitchen without a word, Gray followed, she hadn't said a word to him all night other than to suggest a better seasoning for his gravy. He stormed into the kitchen, ready to tell his boss exactly what he thought of her stupid methods.  

Sensing him behind her Chef Blunt turned with her hands on her hips and her face passive,

'Is there something you'd like to say to me Gray?'

Her calmness was enough to tip Gray over the edge.

'There's a few very choice things I'd like to say to you before I throw you out of my house Rachel, but only one that really matters. What the hell is your problem with me?'

Letting her hands fall to her side and with a tired expression Gray's boss didn't hesitate

'I don't have a problem with you Gray, I have a problem with your attitude, with the shadow you cast over my workplace and the way you slap away every helping hand-'

'Seriously?,' Gray interrupted, 'I'm sure one of the guys had filled you in on my situation, it's not like I'm making a fuss about nothing. My life has been DESTROYED'.

But Rachel Blunt was unshakable.

'Yes. It was. But it wasn't the first life destroyed and it won't be the last. Not even within our little kitchen. Right now, the most destructive force among us is you. You're suffering, I see that, I'm sorry for that. But choosing to be governed your pain does not give you a license to be an asshole to everyone you meet for the rest of your life.'

Gray was dumbstruck. Nobody had spoken to him that way since the Eva situation. Or possibly ever. His mouth hung open as his brain struggled to find a response.

His boss looked at him with an expression that was half sympathy and half a challenge.

'You have a month Gray. A month to find a way to start working with me and the rest of the guys or a month to say your goodbyes. It's up to you.'

 With that she turned and left.

Emotions whisked through Gray. Hurt, anger, confusion but the one that kept coming back to settle was shame. Was he really so impossible to be around?

He cast his mind back over the last year, he couldn't remember a single positive movement from work, couldn't put a name to half of his co-workers faces or tell you anything about them. His mother had told him to live and he was, but it wasn't a life he wanted. It was barely even a life he recognised, he'd always been a loner but he'd never been selfish.

Even at home it was all about him, leaning on Saffron. Gray realised that he didn't even know how her job was going, whether she and Leyton were wanting to move to their own place or start a family. Aisha had destroyed his life with her selfishness and inability to communicate and now he was doing the same to those he cared about.

Since his mother's death he couldn't even claim that he would be a fit parent should Eva be returned to him.

Something was going to have to change.

The next morning Gray made a detour on his way to work. When he arrived in the kitchen he could see surprise in the eyes of his colleagues before they turned away, wary of provoking him. Forcing himself to smile he wished them all a good morning before shutting himself in the prep room to change into his whites.

Looking at his freshly trimmed hair and beard in the mirror he steeled his resolve. That was the Gray he was going to be, the Gray that was worthy of being Eva's dad.

Things didn't change overnight, but gradually people began to notice a change. Workplace banter was tentatively extended to Gray, who smiled and ran with it and gradually the tension in the kitchen began to dissolve. At the end of his "warning month" his boss gave him a smile and a nod, they still argued about sauces and service but a grudging respect was blossoming between the two chefs.

At home Gray was trying to engage with family life, contacting his siblings and meeting his newest niece, Violet's second daughter Celine.

 Celine Marissa Monroe-King

 Gray even got around to cleaning up the hovel that his room had become and made sure he was paying more attention to Saffron. He was glad he had because it soon became clear there was something she didn't want to tell him.

Saffron had been avoiding Gray, wearing baggy clothes and seemed to be very emotional.

One might after he coaxed her down with a home-cooked dinner Gray confronted her.

'Saffron are you pregnant' he asked.

She just nodded and burst in to tears.

'We hadn't planned it but we're so happy. But we thought it might upset you. I'd didn't know how to tell you. I'm so sorry'

Ignoring the painful clench in his chest Gray hugged his idiot sister with a smile.

'Saff, you deserve to be happy. You're going to be such a great mother. What happened to me can't destroy your happiness too. I can't wait to meet my...'

'Nephew. We were thinking Andrew Cai Kidd. What do you think?' Saffron gave him a hopeful and slightly snotty smile.

Gray laid his hand on his sister's bump, wondering as he did so if he'd ever do the same again for a baby of his own, he hadn't felt any desire to date, let alone think about children. Pushing the darkness away he grinned and replied,

'I think that Andrew Cai Kidd is the best thing that could have happened to us all'

----------------------------------

Read Chapter 9 - All Change here.