The Monroe Legacy - G.2. Chapter 7 - Tangled Up in Blue

Hallie's heart stopped. Was he really proposing to her? It was too soon! They'd only been together just over a year, though, now she said that, that was a pretty long time. 

In her panic over what to do after graduation she'd never even considered that Brian might want to get married now, someday in the future perhaps, but she was only 23.

At the most she'd thought they might discuss living together, seeing what their relationship was like without the distance. Hallie had been dreading that possibility, Brian didn't know about the legacy - another thing it had never been the right moment to discuss - and she wasn't sure how he'd react to her need to stay in Utah.

A gentle squeeze of her hand snapped her out of her private meltdown and drew her attention back to the man kneeling in front of her. Brian now looked slightly panicked and Hallie wondered how many seconds had passed since his question. Still processing she pulled him up to his feet, his panic now mixed with confusion as he asked her if she had heard him.

Pulling herself together Hallie replied, 

'I heard you. I'm so sorry but I can't give you an answer now, this was a total shock! I know it shouldn't have been but I really need to think about it. Just give me a little time. Do you think you can?'

Brian stepped back rather stiffly, dropping her hand and clearing his throat. He assumed the blank expression she knew he used to conceal his emotions muttering, 'Of course darling. Enjoy the rest of your graduation and I'll... Well I'll give you some space.'

Giving her a awkward peck he turned on his heel and speed walked away leaving Hallie to return to her family dazed by this unexpected turn of events.

As she waved off her family's cab later that evening and returned to her room to pack she was relieved to find Cai waiting in the corridor like a familiar shadow. Hallie's shoulders visibly slumped as the days events finally began to hit home.

Seeing the look on Hallie's face, Cai took her keys and let them in, pushing her to sit down before leaving the room and returning with a couple of beers. Hallie drank half of hers down in one before letting out a shuddering sigh and collapsing on the bed.

Cai went straight to the point, 'What did the asshole Professor do now Hallie?'

Hallie shoved him half-heartedly, 

'Don't call him that! He didn't do anything, well nothing wrong anyway. He proposed.'

Cai's mouth dropped open and he went visibly pale, his hand tightening on his beer until the knuckles were bright white. This time it was him who downed most of his drink before speaking.

'What did you say Hallie?' He asked, unable to meet her eyes.

'I said I didn't know. And I don't know Cai, I just don't know if I want that now. If I want that with him! What am I going to do?!' And with that she threw herself into his arms and sobbed.

After several hours of talking Hallie fell into a fitful sleep. They (well Hallie anyway) had finished the six-pack and had discussed the pros; Brian was mature, responsible, employed with great prospects, handsome, family oriented, well dressed, from a good family. And they loved each other. 

They had discussed the cons; the age difference, the distance, the legacy conflict, the uncertainty of whether or not they loved each other enough to make up for all those things.

Cai even tentatively offered a few thoughts of his own, that the professor didn't value art, that they'd never discussed whether their long term goals were compatible, though Hallie cut him off when he started ranting about what a judgmental ass Brian was.

As he watched Hallie sleep Cai began to feel that if he didn't admit to his true feelings now that he might never have another chance. He unwrapped Hallie's arms from around him and crept from the room to think through his own choice.

Hallie woke up alone the next working without any clearer idea of what to do. She began to pack up her boxes to move home and she mulled over her choices. She loved Brian, he brought out a side of her that she hadn't known she had before, a calmness, responsibility and a sense of peace but he also was at a different point in his life. He struggled to accept her youth and to allow her to make and learn from her own mistakes .

Hallie knew she needed to talk to him, there were too many unknown variables for her to choose just now, Brian couldn't expect her to accept without knowing where he saw their relationship going, not just emotionally but geographically. As she pulled out her phone to call him she heard one of the guys downstairs calling for her to come and meet a visitor.

Sighing as she jogged down the stairs she rounded the corner to see a stranger looking right at her. But as she got closer she realised it wasn't a stranger at all.

Hallie stopped in her tracks and stared. Standing in the hall, almost unrecognisable without the long blue hair and the scruffy clothes was Cai.

'Hi Hallie,' his voice was low and serious. 'Can we talk upstairs'.

The walk to her room had never seemed longer. 

Hallie couldn't begin to count how many times she and Cai had made the same journey but it was different this time. The silence was too meaningful, he was looking at her differently. It wasn't only his appearance that had changed.

She shut the door and collapsed in her usual place on the bed, feigning a casual pose even though her heart was in her throat. He took up his usual spot.

'Cai your hair-' she began but he cut her off, springing from the bed and pacing the room.

'Hallie you said last night that Brian was a good match because he was handsome, smart, family-minded, employed, well turned out etc etc. Those aren't good reasons to marry someone. 

If they were, then I was already most of those things. After a barber's appointment and a rummage through my housemate's wardrobe I fit the bill.

The points against him are things that you and I share, a love of art, youth, freedom. I don't mind living in Utah and I know all about the legacy. I'm definitely not a controlling, pretentious, judgmental ass.'

Hallie interrupted, walking over an placing a comforting hand on his arm, 

'Cai, I don't understand. We were never talking about you'.

He growled and stepped forward, forcing her back until she was pressed against the wall with his arms caging her in.

'I know we weren't talking about me. We've never discussed me that way. Discussed us that way. But now we are. 

Hallie you've been my best friend since almost the first day we met, I have stuck by you through every terrible choice and difficult moment, never judging you or asking you to change, as well as enjoying the good times. 

Hallie, I love you. I have for months. Years. And I think you've always known that. 

What's more I think if you're honest with yourself you'll admit that you love me too'.

Cai stopped, his breathing ragged, staring deep into her eyes, his nose was an inch from hers, his expression expectant. 

Hallie thought that if the wall hadn't been there she would probably have collapsed. Why would Cai ruin everything now, on their last day together? She drew in a stuttering breath and composed herself. Laying her hand gently on his chest she looked him in the eyes and said,

'Cai I do love you. I love you so, so much. But as a friend'.

She could see his heart breaking in his gaze as her turned from her and punched the bed over and over again.

'Cai please! Please stop!' She sobbed, tears beginning to flow as she stood frozen watching her friendship fall apart.

'God Hallie!' Cai choked out, 'I'm so sorry. I really thought... I didn't mean... I didn't want to ruin anything. I really thought you would choose me. I would have done anything for you to have chosen me.'

Hallie padded across the room to comfort him, 'I don't need you to do anything, I just need you Cai. I just need my best friend' she whispered, tentatively squeezing his shoulder.

She felt him stiffen and take a breath. Another breath.

Cai stood up and turned, gently taking her hand and pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

'Hallie, I love you. But that's the one thing I just can't be. Being just your friend will kill me'.

With that he turned and walked out of her life.

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Everything is different as Hallie heads back to Utah with nothing but uncertainty.

Find out what happens next in Chapter 8 - You Can't Change the Past